The Use-to-bes

The older I get the more I really miss the "used to bes" of my life.  I guess I probably miss the "used to not bes" as well.  For instance, I used to not have to worry about my dad all the time and my life used to make sense.  From the time I can remember I have been a Daddy's girl through and through.  I have never waivered in that for one minute.  Growing up it seemed that my daddy really understood me and got me, where as my mom and I were constantly butting heads and fighting and there was always so much turmoil between us.  My dad was kind of my safe place.  A couple of years ago he had an issue with his appendix and he got really sick and I can remember thinking "what has happened to my Superman?"  Then my mom died and all of sudden we were all faced with our own mortality and the realization came to me that at some point my father will die.  Now we are dealing with some other issues with my dad and I find myself quite often wishing that I was back in my parents house and that they were both there and sometimes I don't really care if they were fighting just as long as they were there. I "used to be" my daddy's little girl and I "used to not" be so worried all the time.  I love getting older and watching my children grow up and my prayer is that I have another 50-60 years to do just that, but with that being said, in order for me to get older, my father has to get older and I don't know if I am ready to lose him.  One thing I have learned in dealing with all this stuff with my dad is that I am not nearly as strong as I thought I was and that I am entirely too emotional.  To whoever is reading this please say a quick prayer for us.  Thank you and God bless!